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Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Smelly Underwears and Weird Looking Clitorides

Before I begin, did you know that the plural form of the word clitoris is clitorides? Wow!
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Ok, I have 7 minutes before I finish my shift, and I've been itching to write something substantial on my blog for eons already. So what my point for saying these things? I say screw my shift! I'm gonna type something 'til my fingers bleed! Haha! Even though my officemate is sitting beside me cleaning her dirty feet! Wahaha!


First off, my Yahoo! account has been hacked. Over the weekend, I tried to access my Yahoo! email at my friend's house to kill some time, but after typing the necessary information and clicking to log in, the screen reappeared and stated that I typed the wrong username/password. I tried doing it again and again, but to no avail. I simply cannot access my account anymore.

I can't remember changing my password prior to this, so I guess the only logical reason for this is that my account got hacked. Yes...so much for my contacts. And my email, my precious emails!

On a lighter note, it's weeks away before Christmas, and I still haven't finished buying gifts for everybody. So that means I still have to waste money to buy things that I won't get to use.

Come to think of it, that actually sucks. And this blog entry is far from substantial. I may have wasted 10 hours on your life, or even more! Haha! Wahahaha!

YOU SUCK DONKEY BALLS!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

The Greatest Song In The World, And It's Not From Tenacious D!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

INTj Uncovered!!!

from http://www.socionics.com

If there were a Weirdness Olympics between all 16 types then INTj would be an unbeatable gold medallist. In fact INTjs are so weird that they do not just appear weird to people who don't know them well but to other INTjs as well. This is because INTjs take little or no notice of what other people think. What they think themselves is much more important for INTjs. That is why if everybody are certain that bridges have to be build across the river an INTj may contemplate the possibility of building one along the river. There would probably be a logical reason for that since INTjs view everything through the square prism of logic. And as long as logical rules are obeyed everything is fine.

"I think, therefore I am" once said Rene Descartes, clearly delighted about the fact that he can think. But what he really meant was "I stink, therefore I am" since INTjs can often deprive themselves of a good bath and can happily live in a pigsty when nobody watches. They miserably fail to understand the basic needs of their bodies and therefore do not address them as a first priority. This goes for food and sex too. But do INTjs enjoy tasty food and sex? Sure, when you stick it under their nose. And what do they do to have plenty of fine food and meaningless sex? Precisely nothing. The latter one could be explained by the fact that by default INTjs are socially handicapped. Combined with their closely guarded fear of intimacy this makes it pretty hard for INTjs to get laid, resulting in many INTjs being either virgins or remaining celibate for a long time. (NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Marked with inability to clearly read people's true disposition towards themselves, INTjs compensate for it with their acquired ability to piss people off. This is rather a defensive than an offensive mechanism. It works on the principal that an angry person has very little control over their emotions and therefore cannot suppress their true feelings, which often prevents the truth from coming out. INTjs normally do not apply this principal to anybody unless they are unsure. So as long as you are true and sincere with an INTj you should be fine.

Something you can't deny is that INTjs are pretty adept at many things but one thing INTjs are really good at is at over-tightening the screws, whether it is said in a metaphorical or a literal sense. Having a natural inability to judge amounts and distributions of forces often leads them to overdo things. If you ask an INTj to design a good chair to withstand the weight of one adult, when it is finished it will probably withstand the weight of one adult elephant.

Finally, if you hear a sarcastic remark from an INTj you should know you are on dangerous ground i.e. you said something stupid. To continue in the same direction would be unwise. However if you want to enrage an INTj all you need to do is to make the same stupid remark over and over again but more importantly you have to stand by your words, i.e. show that you really mean it... Why would anyone want to do that?

Monday, October 9, 2006

Packin' Sheet at 5 A.M.

1. Anong bago sa'yo ngyon?
:: next question...

2. Kumain ka na ba ng balot?
:: hindi pa. jologs ko talaga.

3. Sumuka ka na ba sa sobrang hilo?
:: sobrang hilo sa pagka-lasing. Huling naalala kong suka ko yung sa inidiro namin. Kulay orange.

4. Nakagulpi ka na ba ng tao?
:: hindi pa kasi alam mo yun, mahirap na kapag nakasakit ka nang tao. Biruin mo, baka mamaya, binagastusan mo na yung pangtubos sa yo sa presinto.

5. Nang mamanyak ka ba?
:: panong manyak ba? Ganito na lang, hindi ako naninilip, hindi ako nanghihipo, hindi ako nang-hihit-on sa kapwa tao ko, pero nanonood ako ng porno. Pwede na ba yan?

7. Umiinom ka ba hangang hindi ka na makatayo?
:: Hindi. Sabi nga ng tatay ko, drink to enjoy, not enjoy to drink.

8. Nka sakay ka na ba ng kalabaw?
:: Ay oo! Nung bata ako.

9. Naramdaman mo na bang mamamatay ka na?
:: pano ba ang mamatay? Kasi imposile mo namang maranasan ang pakiramdam ng mamamatay ka, kapag hindi ka pa talaga namatay. Anlabo ng tanong na to. I can't answer this!

10. Nayakap mo na ba crush mo?
:: SABI NANG HANGGANG PORNO LANG AKO EH!!!!!

11. Naglalaro ka ba ng apoy?
:: hindi ata.

12.Napa iyak ka na ba sa sakit ng katawan?
:: hindi. That's like, so gay...

13. Masakit bang masuntok?
:: Mas masakit ang matadyakan.

14.Marunong ka bang magRO?
:: ragnarok online? inde

15. Handa ka bang mamatay para sa iniibig mo?
:: uh.....eh?

16. Masarap bang kumain ng pagkain?
:: Depende. Pag malungkot, walang kalasa-lasa yung pagkain. Pag nakikipagdaldalan, pucha hindi naman ako makakain.

17...??asan?? :-??-- oo nga nasan?!

18. Namamato ka ba ng bato?
:: Hindi. Pero may kilala ako dati na namato ng tuyong tae kasi akala niya bato yun.

19. Nagtaksil ka na ba sa kapwa mo o kahit sino nman..?
:: ay hindi ha.

20. Nakatapak ka na ba ng tae?
:: yesssssssssss...

21. Nakatanggap ka na ba ng regalo sa buong buhay mo?
:: oo.

22. Nag-iimagine ka na ba ng bad?
:: see number 10.

23. Nakikita mo ba sarili mo sa salamin?
:: yes.

24. Alcoholic ka ba?
:: hindi.

26. Nakapanood ka na ba sa sinehan?
:: Of course! E ikaw, takilya, nakapanood ka na?

27. Gusto mo bang pumatay ng tao?
:: Hindi, kasi ayon kay Immanuel Kant, masama ang pumatay ng tao dahil labag ito sa katangian ng isang nabubuhay na tao. At ayoko gumawa ng masama.

29. Nakasuntok ka na ba ng kaibigan?
:: Dati, sa braso pahinahan ng suntok. Una, sumuntok siya, mahina. Tapos nung ako na nilakasan ko. Tas sabi ko “Talo ako”

30. Gusto mo na bang mamatay?
:: ayaw.

31. Nakipag away ka ba na umabot sa OPiS?
:: hindi. Taena pag ginawa ko nun, di patay ako. Malakas mang-alaska yung mga tao dito sa opis eh.

32. Nawala na ba ang id mo?
::oo. Bakit?

33. Nawawala mo ba pera mo?
:: nakalimutan kong kunin yung P500 na sukli dati sa gasolinahan.

34. May nagsabi na ba sayo na tamad ka?
:: lagi kong sinasabihan sarili ko.

35. May crush ka ba?
:: meron ata.

36. Sinabi mo na ba sa crush mo ang nararamdaman mo?
:: hindi

37. Napaaway ka na ba?
:: Panong away, suntukan? asaran? Alaskahan? Sigawan? Hindi pa ako nakikipag-suntukan. Asaran, oo, pero lagi akong talo. Ganun din sa alaskahan. Sa sigawan, oo, pero nauuwi siya sa alaskahan at sigawan...

38. Nagsinungaling ka na ba?
:: oo naman. gago.

39. Nakikinig ka ba sa teacher?
::madalas hindi. Basta sinusulat ko na lang yung mga sinasabi niya sa notebook ko kasi madalas naman dun nya pinaghuhunan yung mga tanong sa exams niya eh.

40. Namimis mo ba ung crush mo?
:: hindi naman.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Creative Writing

Teach Me More

It's really surprising how one experience from the past can determine your future. See, not only am I a member of the XXXXX community, but I am also currently a kindergarten teacher in Ohio. During those times, I developed a passion for education, and having students understand and appreciate the things that you're teaching them is one of the most gratifying experiences one can ever imagine. But of course, this realization was all triggered by a particular event.

I was neither bright nor diligent when I was a college student, as I have been known to skipping classes and failing exams because of my laziness. I would consider myself as one of the hotter personalities on campus, where guys salivate over me because of my luscious body. I'm the kind of person who has sex on her mind, in which I would hang out with guys and engage in a hot, sexual orgy with them instead of studying for my midterms.

One time, like any other time in the lecture room, while one of our teachers were returning our exam papers, in which I failed miserably, our professor wanted to talk to me and asked me to stay after class. It was late in the evening.

Our professor has led a storied carrier in this university, earning the respect and esteem from his colleagues. He's on his way to his fifties, with his thinning flaxen hair and crusty skin having served time in this world. However, his stout features and sturdy built has been able to preserve his appeal. Not that I find him attractive or anything, but he looks more handsome than people his age. Still, his reputation leaves me wondering what would happen next.

He was sitting in the chair of the lecture room where he held our classes while browsing through my papers as I stood there waiting in anticipation at the side of his table. He dropped my paper, and turned his chair to my side. We talked about my pathetic academic record, which happened to concern the other faculty members. He said that everybody saw the potential in me to become a great student if it weren't for my absences and tardinesses. I answered boorishly, saying that studying doesn't really fulfill me. His face did not really show a hint of surprise, and he calmly told me that I need to give at least a reason why I should pass the next term. I couldn't think of any.

And then things flashed before my eyes, I don't want to get out of school. I don't want my parents to know that they've been spending their money on nothing!

He then posed a proposition to me that would probably salvage my academic life. He unzipped his pants to show his erect penis to me. He told that I should suck his cock and then he would appeal to the board of directors to give me a passing mark. At first, I hesitated, thinking that this shit ain't worth it. But thinking of what my parents would say and do to me, I started to think that it's fair enough. Plus, his 9-inch boner seems inviting indeed.

I felt more secure knowing that there were no students roaming around the premises late that evening. I knelt down between his legs, pulled up my hair, and began to insert his cock in my mouth. He let out a moan after giving him head for quite a while. At times, his dickhead reached to my throat, which gagged me a little, but suddenly, the urge of making him cum was taking hold of me. I want his cum so bad, that it's not about my grades anymore. I was feeling wet in my pussy.

I stood up, leaving my professor hanging in the air. But as soon as I removed my pants and panties, which were soaked between the legs, he let out a devious smile. While still sitting on his chair, he spread his legs as I sat comfortably on his groin, with my back against his body, pushing his cock inside my pussy. His cock felt sensational sliding up and down inside as I grind my ass down to his cock to get it deeper in me. It was great. Never in my life have I thought that I would get fucked by a man in his midlife, and that I would get it good. This would even top the other younger guys that I had!

The climax approached as we were in the heat of the moment. I was getting more wet inside with every thrust from his cock. He wanted to get his cock to penetrate faster in my pussy, but our position wouldn't allow it. And so I decide to stand up and kneel down in front of him again, as I jacked his cock with my right hand while masturbating with my left. He was left helpless with pleasure, as he wanted to move, but there was no place to go. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, as the pleasure reached its critical stage. I, on the other hand, found enough satisfaction to play with my pussy. My fingers were enough to get me running, as I came out with force, having the cum splash down the floor. After continuous beating of his cock, he erupted violently in my hands, covering half of it with his man-juice. But before the moment he came out, he said in an exhausted manner, "You would definitely get an A from me!"

As soon as the both of us cleaned up and got dressed, the professor told me that my records would be reconsidered, and that there is nothing for me to worry about. Most importantly, what happened between us would forever be kept a secret. He calmly left with his things and walked out the door like a man of his stature would, with class and dignity. Seeing him leave from the room gave me the chills, something that I have never felt before. It made me wonder how a man like him still remains to be esteemed by the university.

And then from that point on, I want to be like him. I want to be respected, and at the same time, get laid by guys even if it's against their consent. Just as long as they have failing marks, I'll have them in the palm of my hands. And so, I shifted my course from Mass Communications to Education. And then, I straightened up my studying act, and graduated with honors. I never knew studying could be so much easy!

But like any other good teacher, I should continue to experience other things as well in order to learn more. That's why I joined XXXXX and created my account under the name XXXXX. With the different available guys on this site, it's not enough to become a teacher. Sometimes, you got to be a student once in a while.

Monday, September 11, 2006

The Road to Red Horse Beer Muziklaban 2006 Grand Finals

This was the first picture taken from the moment we arrived at Starmall, Las PiƱas for the Red Horse Muziklaban 2006 Semifinals . The band just came off a grueling 2-hour trip from Pasig while listening to Slayer's Reign in Blood, with their hit single "Angel Of Mine" ("Angel of mine/Monarch to the kingdom of the dead!") and Sepultura's Arise ad nauseum.



Like the previous round of Muziklaban, bands were asked to arrive early for briefing, at around 1:30 P.M., even though the competition itself would begin at roughly 8 P.M. The band had a lot of time to kill, where they spend most of it goofing around, and to visit the nearby Internet shop flooding their YM and Friendster accounts with messages asking people to vote for them via text message *coughcoughlameandpatheticcough*



As of this point, at around 6 P.M., half of the band were tipsy after drinking a glass of Red Horse Beer with their empty stomachs. But just before their share of beer, all of the bands were asked to have their prerequisite 5-minute soundchecks in order to get the feel of what to except from their crappy (oops...) equipment. The bands who just had their soundcheck were greeted with applause and cheers from the other competing bands. However, by the time Descant Gott finished their soundcheck, everyone was silent. The bands who were cheering before didn't cheer this time. Only our friend who was with us throughout the entire event belted out in desperation, "WHOOOOO!!!!!" After this, I thought to myself, this is gonna be interesting...


Fast forward to the time when we played. It was around 11:30 in the evening, and people were jampacked in front of the stage with their sweaty bodies. By the time we were delivering our first song, the crowd roared in approval. I was taken away by the reaction of the people. As usual, I fucked up a lot of notes, but surprisingly, it did not matter. I have never played in front of such a huge crowd before, and to get this kind of reaction from people is extraordinary. Plus, the shot that was taken by our friend was awesome. Her shot made us look like we're really good, but the fact is, well, nevermind...


After the set, we just chilled out. Actually, I can't remember anything much at this point, except that the band gets to advance to the 2006 Red Horse Beer Muziklaban Grand Finals, and I was able to get tons of free backstage beer. Plus, each of us got a free Muziklaban shirt, and a 20% discount from items at JB Music.


Weeks before the Grand Finals, we had our gig at Mayrics. First off, I can attest to you with all my heart and being, that we are not, I repeat, NOT a lazy band! However, due to academic priorities (Jay and Loubelle), work schedules (Joji and I), and whatever (Carlo), the band was forced to make do with their remaining gigs prior to the Grand Finals and treat it as preparation for Muziklaban. As a result, we did fairly well. I think. Wait, I made a mistake with the last note of our song, thus destroying one of our stronger sets for quite a while...so there.


A week later, and we're at the Cultural Center of the Philippines Open Grounds at Pasay, waiting for the Red Horse Beer Muziklaban 2006 to reach its 'exciting' finish (more of that later). Again, the remaining bands were asked to wait for the whole day, starting at 10 A.M. To make matters worse, the bands were trapped in this open wasteland where the ground was muddy because of last night's rain, and the scorching heat of the afternoon got us sweaty and smelly. And the gig hasn't even started yet. Even the camaderie that the bands shared prior to this afternoon was slowly set aside before of the frustation of waiting and doing nothing.

To give you an idea of how the evening went before we were summoned to the stage for our set, it has something to do with the new pair of shoes we got from Converse. See, the day before the Grand Finals, each of us were given a Converse All Star pair that was part of the deal after getting past the Semifinals leg of Muziklaban. Just to show you how much we were stoked to get the pair, the drummer and I wore the shoes at midnight and jogged along the halls of Robelle House where all the bands were staying, and we barged in on the rooms of some of the competing bands, most notably Kamia and I.M.O., and ran around their rooms flaunting our new pair of shoes. Of course, they have their own pair, but point is, I love my new Converse shoes!

Now, the Muziklaban organizers told us to wear the new Converse pair on the Grand Finals, since Converse is one of the sponsor for the event. If not, the band would be disqualified from participating in the event. Crappy rule, I might say. Still, in this case, rules are meant to be followed, especially when the P800,000 is within our reach!

However, walking through the Open Grounds immediately soiled, nay, defiled our brand new shoes! The feeling of desparation sinked in as everybody walked in the mud, which all of us did not except, while trying to keep their pair of Converse clean. The disappointment was palpable, as everybody, well, I, struggled to keep my composure under the heat of the sun, just because of a bum shoe.

And it didn't stop from there. Before the event started, which were spearheaded y opening numbers from Monkshood, 13th Issue, Mayonnaise, and the almighty Fuseboxx, the rain started to pour hard. Real hard. Not only were everybody's shoes destroyed, but we got, how do I say this, wet. Real wet. Great.

Unfortunately, this would serve as an ominous sign that cost us a good performance during our set in the evening. While we were setting up after Black Heaven's set, a great progressive rock act at that, drops of water were seeping from the roof, and the stage was quite wet. Still, by the moment we played the opening guitar lines of "Forgotten Paragon" to the crowd i.e. the ones who were moshing just below the stage, they completely went apeshit.

Seeing people get into the band's songs has an effect on you. Suddenlym I was just banging my head like I've never banged it before, I'm doing things on stage that I don't normally do. Suffice to say, we slayed on our first song.

The next three songs were shit, so it's not really worth mentioning...Well, just to give you an idea, the distortion sound that came out from the amp I was using started to sputter up until the end of the third song. I tried kicking the effects that I was using, trying to turn the cables around, but the sound continued to sputter. Even though I was able to fix the sound before the fourth song, it was too late. That was the end of it for me.

The series of events after our set became a haze. But if I remembered correctedly, Hard Boiled Eggz won the Grand Prize (Congratulations!), and...there.

Hay.

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Music Keeps the Motor Running

The night was still young, and Descant Gott just finished playing as the sixth band of the Red Horse Muziklaban 2006 Eliminations round at Live Van in Marikina. The bar was quite huge, with a second floor reserved for the performing bands that night. We headed to that place after our set, and we got to see a nice overlooking view from the balcony, where the audience laced with black attire stared unto the stage, with Kevin Roy of Razorback leading the festivities.

I haven’t performed with the band for almost a month now because my work schedule would not allow it, and we held our practice a week prior to the actual event, but somehow, with all the people watching and the prize at stake, I wasn’t really nervous. However, throughout the duration of our set, I did fuck up a lot of notes, particularly my guitar lead from our first song, and I accidentally stepped on my distortion pedal on our cover of Sepultura’s song “Arise,” which made a sputtering clean tone from the amp. It’s a good thing I was able to react quickly as I stepped on the pedal again to turn on the distortion and get our shit back to normal.

My face was also sweating like a leaking faucet as it constantly washed my forehead and nose, and I was even able to taste my sweat as it ran through my mouth. Drops on the floor were visible from were I stood, and it was quite embarrassing for me to be seen by people sweat like a fucking waterfall. However, unlike your usual salty sweat after Gym class, my sweat tasted like water. This actually has happened before, whenever I thoroughly enjoyed playing with the band.

I actually miss playing with the band after my month-long hiatus. Playing our songs and hearing it from a live setting made me feel free and refreshed like breathing air from outside a packed moshpit. Even the mistakes I’ve committed with our songs didn’t matter because I was drugged by this music, making me feel insignificant over this massive sound lording me. Even the people who attended with the other competing bands showed their approval by flashing the devil’s horn and banging their heads as well. It is simply one of those things that you wouldn’t trade anything for, when people get floored by the music that everybody in the band crafted and created.

Even before this set, I was not intent in winning something like Red Horse Muziklaban or an musical accolade for that matter. I was contented in just playing in front of an audience, who would hopefully appreciate the shit we’ve been churning out for more than a year, sell the demos that we burned ourselves, and give them some reason that would make them live their lives to the fullest or something.

As it turns out, the band itself laid out plans for the five of us, plans that are far greater than I imagined before. No matter how we see it, the opportunity for the band to be bigger and better than it used to be was just around the corner, and it is up to us whether we should seize it or not.

By the time our name was announced as the first-placed band to advance to the semifinals that night, it was simply crazy! Some of the band members went wild as the spotlight slowly turned to us at the second floor. Others screamed and offered their well-wishes, while the crowd cheered in approval of our win.

But I, I raised both my fists and extending my arms over my head, sticking this moment in the air, where the sound enveloping my senses suddenly turned silent as I stood at the balcony, basking in this strange comfort. It was like I was expecting this win, and didn’t at the same time. But maybe I just needed an affirmation, a sign to tell me that our collective efforts with this band were not in vain at all. Well, this is that moment.

Then after realizing this a while back, I want to win this shindig, not because I want to get the grand prize of Php800K, but more importantly, after all the good times and the awful shit I’ve been through with this band, I want to give something back to the people who’ve made this possible for me. You know who you are (damned if you don’t). This one’s for ya, punks!

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As of this writing, the band has advanced to the Final Round of the Red Horse Muziklaban 2006. My neck hurts like hell, but it’s all worth it…Congratulations, Descant Gott!

Thursday, August 3, 2006

Scene from the Office Space

About Writing Erotic Stories:

Characters:
Me, I
Person #1
Supervisor

Setting: 10:30 in the evening. Person # 1 and I are writing an erotic story, as requested by the supervisor. I was on the verge of finishing the first page of the story, which is about fucking behind the closed doors of an office. I was on a roll. My fingers were blazing through the keyboard like a forest fire, typing words that I wouldn’t even imagine myself saying in public (or would I?) However, I encountered a problem with a particular scene from my story. And so it goes…

Me: Alam mo yung tawag sa pag-ganun (does the swiping motion using my left arm, as I draw the movement with my left hand almost touching my right chest, and it goes across, extending my arm to its far side) kapag gusto mo tanggalin yung mga gamit sa lamesa? Ano ba yung word na yun in English?

Person #1: (stops typing for a while, and faces me to her left) Ano ulit?

Me: Yung ganito kapag gusto mo tanggalin yung mga gamit sa lamesa (I repeat the motion as I did before)? Yung parang kapag sa sex, bago mo ilapag yung tao dun?

Person #1: (laughing) Hindi ko alam eh. Tanong mo kay supervisor.

Me: (looks at Person #1 with a dismayed expression) Eh. Wag na lang.

There was a pause for a couple of second. The supervisor didn’t seem to hear us from the other side of the room, and so I was about to turn into my computer and think about my problem alone, when suddenly…

Person #1: Supervisor, alam mo ba yung motion kapag tinatanggal yung mga gamit sa lamesa (also does the motion like how I did it before).

Me: (I faced the discussion by turning behind the back, on my right side, and further elaborated on the issue) Yung ginagawa just before sex…? (Again, I did the motion of swiping my left arm and extending it).

Supervisor: Hmm…(He thinks for a while)

Everybody was silent again for a couple of seconds, as I turned back to my computer, still staring at the screen, my progress halted because of an elusive word that would be integral in relating the ‘office fuck’ story in writing.

Supervisor: Why don’t you just write (set aside)?

Me: Uh, I don’t think that it’s appropriate kasi parang malinis yung pagkakagawa.

Silence again.

Me: Atsaka I thought of writing ‘removed’, but I don’t think it’s appropriate as well kasi parang inisa-isang nilagay yung gamit sa sahig.

The three of us were stumped with that one word. One goddamn word. Then, suddenly…

Me: Oh! How about ‘brushed’?

Supervisor: (face lights up and eyes wide, as if he’d seen Maya unveiled, and nods slowly) Yes…that’s the word.
Tasty...

Sunday, July 23, 2006

Man Juice for the Soul

A couple of weeks ago, I was working for a client who is involved in the porn industry. Basically, I write reviews for various porn sites that he asked me to visit. At first, it seemed like a dream job: I sit in front of the computer, the client hands me the password to the sites, I gain access and download its pictures and videos, and I write what I think about it. However, I was brought back into reality when the client demanded reviews of not less than 500 words discussing the quality of the site, its layout, resolution of the images and videos, and acting of the models (!), among other things. To top it all off, the client was very anal (no pun intended) about the grammar, syntax, and spelling of the words and sentences of the review. Porn, for once, became such a drag.

Within the span of three days writing for the client, a lot of changes occurred to me. I lost approximately 5 lbs., I think. Just for the record, I didn’t “choked the bishop” or “peeled the banana” or “skinned the cat,” fancying over the porn material. There were people in the room, for crying out loud! I just skipped dinner simply because I didn’t have the appetite to eat food during those times, aside from also being “busy” writing the reviews. Also, my sleeping habits dropped from the usual 7-8 hours, to 3-5 hours. What’s even stranger was the fact that I didn’t feel tired or sleepy at all by the time I got out of bed!

Days after getting relieved from the job, stating that he wasn’t impressed with the work I’ve been doing, however, everything slowly returned to normal. I started eating REAL food again, calories, cholesterol, and all that junk. I also get to sleep longer nowadays. Just recently, it got me thinking about what brought this sudden transformation from a normal omnivorous sleepyhead to a walking zombie feeding on bread and lots of water.

And then all of a sudden, light shone upon the heavens and blinded me into the answer!

I think that my appetite has been fulfilled by something much more satisfying, something food can never supply in a lifetime. And I just found out that watching and writing about the videos from CumOnJugs, Latin Adultery, and My First Sex Teacher can actually fill the needs of a human being. By watching and writing about porn, one can forget that s/he actually needs to eat and sleep, because s/he transcends the physical desires of the human being!

I don’t know the scientific explanation for this, but I think it applies to most people I know. My teammate during that time was reportedly fat before I got aboard. But after weeks of laboring over porn (oh, the irony!), that teammate of mine got thinner, and was sleeping 1 ½ hours per day! Another person who was also working under the same account admitted that he even forgot to eat dinner while working. Forgot dinner? Who the fuck would forget dinner?!?

What’s my point? Forget those lame diet programs. Stop taking caffeine. Throw away your personal copies of Chicken Soup for the Soul. If you want to get thinner and wide awake in the wee hours of the evening, watch porn. And write about it.

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Philippine Nationalism

"Oo inaamin ko, sila ay mga yakal, lawaan, apitong at narra! At kami ay saging lang! Pero maghanap kyo ng puno sa buong Pilipinas, saging lang ang may puso....SAGING LANG ANG MAY PUSO!!!"

Mark Lapid, hango sa pelikulang Apoy Sa Dibdib Ng Samar

(thanks to Sublumina Girl)

Saturday, July 15, 2006

The Luxury of (mis)Fortune

Hay.

It's been difficult these past few weeks.
Let me count the ways:

After three days
of being employed,
my very first client
from my very first job
dropped






me.

Days after, I realized
that I left my sister's USB
worth
in the office, which eventually got



lost.
Wait.
I just realized
that it's not as bad
as it seems.
And why the fuck
am I writing like this???
---
On a positive note, I've seen Clockwork Orange. Gloooorious.

Friday, July 7, 2006

Lovely

Monday, July 3, 2006

Smile!

What the fuck...?

Monday, June 26, 2006

The Zambales Files


¤ It was such a blast playing soccer against Koreans. My friends and I traced lines in the sand that would serve as the field where we are going to play soccer. We were playing our crappy brand of three-on-three soccer that rainy afternoon where nobody among us, save our varsity friend, actually played the game. Then, all of a sudden, these guys who just finished playing volleyball on the other side of the beach challenged us to a game, a race to three.

Not surprisingly, we lost, although it was not a walk in the park for them. I still for the life of me can’t figure out how we were to score two goals. Unbelievable shit. In the end, some of us suffered major blister on their sole and toes. Good for me (or not), only my thighs are hurting, and I can’t even walk straight up until now. Despite the outcome, however, the whole experience was fun.

¤ Prior to the football game, we also played a two-on-two rugby game, and I’m not talking about that smelly adhesive that dries up your brain. My friend brought his rugby ball to the beach and he taught us how to play the game. Talk about a global sports weekend.

¤ The evening was dedicated for camwhoring on the dark seashore. I just realized what alcohol and a group of friends would make you do in front of the camera. And Spandau Ballet rules my world.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Steve Vai's "Boston Rain Melody"

It was almost 11 o’clock in the evening, in front of the shore on one of the resorts at Iba, Zambales. The tide has tremendously risen up…All of the benches were taken by other lodgers, mostly by Koreans from another resort, so we were forced to sit on the cool sand. Nevertheless, it would not deter us from listening to the CD player and the portable speaker we brought down from our room.

We prepared CDs with music conducive to the beach environment, as we already imagine floating on sand and the sight of sea. We were enjoying the CD I compiled a couple of years back, made just before summer of year 2004 started. Some of the songs on that CD are not even beach-worthy material, but we chose to listen to that CD because of one particular song.

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It starts of with the sound of thunder, while drops of rain slowly pour from the speaker. Then the tender and clean guitar intro follows suit, generating a flowing effect reveling with the rain. The song continues with mesmeric verse lines from the guitar, filled with memorable slides and enchanting melodies clear as the sand underneath the coursing water. The tasteful leads treading the rhythm of the water further adds mystique to what is already an orgasmic song.

But just before he returns to the rhythm of the song leading to its end, he pulls off what I think is the climax of this sweet instrumental; finger tapping while tugging the whammy bar of his Floyd Rose, his signature trademark move. This part simply feels like a sonic deluge surging inside your body, suddenly drowning your sense of reality, and forces you to bask into the vitality flowing from this sound, pure and unadulterated. And then you land back into solid ground, holding grasp of yourself.

I remember the times of rain pouring under the gazebo of our home, while my other friends and I were intoxicating ourselves through the wee hours of past evening. I played the song on the player just before everybody got themselves drunk. They, too, were drawn by the inevitable beauty of the song’s overflowing majesty. After that particular drinking session, every time we whip up something leading to someone getting wasted, we make it to a point that we use the song as our background music in order to enhance the drinking experience.

Leading back to the scene at the beachfront, I remembered a lot of things that made me feel cathartic. I remembered the time I first heard this song from my blockmate’s CD player. I remembered during one day from the Holy Week, when the darkened clouds of the afternoon painted the first signs of rain in that summer season, I rushed to the CD player and played the song, just to anticipate and feel the moment.

And now, I’m back to where I started, albeit with the rising tide crashing in on the shore. Considering having gone through other things in life leading to that exquisite moment, the music played at that moment reminds me of those other things.

Just things, I suppose.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Slowdive - Machine Gun

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They're walking and I know, she's my friend, again
Just the way that the water, drags me down, again
Please don't think I'm a [...] it's my friend, oh yeah
It's just the way that the water, makes me feel, again

I went to HMV store in Hong Kong. I remembered the first time I got there years back. A wide array of artists and bands to choose from, from rarities and obscure albums, as well as classic and foreign movies, just blew me away. Not much by any stretch, considering that record stores are supposed to offer different titles anyway, but comparing this store to, say, Odyssey XL or Tower Records in the Philippines, it just had my mind spinning. If it were up to me, I would, for the life of me, stay here the whole trip and ogle at records that I haven’t even heard of. By the time we’re leaving, I can say that our family vacation in Hong Kong was a totally out of body experience.

On this visit, it was no different.

Saw machine gun
I saw you down
Saw the arrow
I slow you down
It is all I need, yeah

The first move was to buy an album. Despite the temptation to buy zounds of records that would harbor me for at least a year or so, I was intent on buying just one. Just one, I keep telling to myself, before I lose my money on the first day of our vacation in this country. Before actually searching for titles to choose from, a song immediately popped into my mind.

"Machine Gun".

I went to pick up Souvlaki by Slowdive. I held it in my hands. It felt like all unsold records should feel like, jewel cases wrapped in plastic. On the front, the album cover was a pitch black canvas with the group’s black and white photo on the lower right portion of the cover, with the words “slowdive · souvlaki” on the upper left corner. The back continued the black theme, with nothing of particular interest, except that the album includes bonus tracks that is not available on local release. Peeking at the corner of the album, the inlay was not thick, so it obviously isn’t gonna be read-worthy, the inlay, that is.

"Machine Gun".

I remembered hearing that song the very first time, immediately after downloading it from Limewire. “Alison” was great, but this track was just mind-numbing. Imaging floating on liquid sedative, in the middle of nowhere, and as the substance drags the listener into the slow ebb of its waves, a muffled voice from the dark deep hollers a lullaby, mesmerizing and ensconcing the listener into a sleep of a mysterious blue dream.

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They're walking and I know she's my friend, again
Just the way that the water, drags me down, again
Please don't think I'm a [...] it's my friend, oh yeah
It's just the way that the water, makes me feel, again

Enough, I said to myself. I have to see other records before I totally lose my mind like I always do. After a lengthy and thorough search, I was on the verge of choosing between Jeff Buckley’s Grace and Elliott Smith’s posthumous album, its title I quickly forgot. At first, I simply have to own Grace, an album I was drooling over for the past 2 years. As for Elliott Smith, owning his very last album would be a fitting tribute to an artist who made a living using depression, emptiness, and sadness as his muse. I was torn. Both of these albums are not available in the Philippines (I heard that Grace was available on local stores, but so far, I have yet to see it.) But the power of "Machine Gun"’s chorus drags me in again into its wonderful world of black obscurity, and this time, it won’t let me go…

Saw machine gun
I saw you down
Saw the arrow
I slow you down
It is all I need, yeah

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

The Daily Vault

---
Staff Writer
e-mail ---

BORN: 1984

JOINED THE DV STAFF: June 2006
HOMETOWN: Philippines
NOW LIVING IN: Philippines
SPOUSE / KIDS?: No.
FAVORITE ARTIST: The Gathering
OTHER ARTISTS I LIKE: Ben Folds Five, Devin Townsend, Elliott Smith, Jeff Buckley, Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds, Faith No More, The Beatles, My Bloody Valentine, Alice in Chains, Yes, Agalloch, Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Anberlin, Immortal
BEER: San Miguel Extra Strong, Red Horse Beer
OTHER HOBBIES: Books, movies, blogging, playing guitar, playing/watching basketball, surfing the 'Net
PERSONAL MOTTO: And that is why.
I WRITE MUSIC REVIEWS BECAUSE: ...it is the only thing that can validate my existence, aside from an awful hangover…

enter the vault...

Monday, June 12, 2006

Them 'Old Filipino Action Movies...'

There was this scene on one of Gardo Versosa's movies where he cocks a gun using his feet. His feet! And the most amazing thing is that he did this while in mid-air! In MID-AIR!
Perennial action star Lito Lapid did what no other men did back in the heyday, when during an action scene he was holding a knife and a gun with one bullet left with two enemies still after him. Usually, a normal, sane person would just use the remaining bullet of the gun to shoot one of the baddies, and throw the knife or stab the other.
But not Lito Lapid. Nope. What he did is that he placed the sharp side of the knife in the middle of the gun's barrel, splitting the bullet in half as he fired the gun, and hitting both his enemies. Pure classic, I tell ya!
---
From hardware store to builder’s depot
Tiles—these seemingly trivial home fixtures transformed a small hardware store into one of the largest builder’s depots in the city today. And this fact Wilcon Builders Depot founder, president and CEO William T. Belo is always proud to proclaim.

On May 24, Belo gathered friends, family and clients to Wilcon’s Libis, Quezon City showroom to celebrate such triumph. Various home fixtures were put on display, but the attention was on tiles—the store’s specialty product since its inception.

Friday, June 9, 2006

Kachow!

Kachow!

I have done what few people have achieved in their lifetime (but maybe they have done it, and they just don't brag it in their blogs like I do). It has taken me 3 months to finish the book. I have dismissed the book for a while because it was overbearing and overwritten...Imagine 200 pages worth of philosophical critques and inquiries about her damned Objectivism...not really an easy reading. But I am not a quitter...No, I'm not a quitter! I was determined to finish this 1000+ page of a monster. After reading it, the book was not as infernal as I thought it was. So, without further ado...


Kachow!

What I don't understand with Cars is that, during the scene where Lightning McQueen tries to chase Sally on the road, Sally runs over the puddle of water on the road, splashing water at Lightning from behind. Lightning's quick reflexes allowed him to evade the water, as he laughs victoriously, foiling Sally's plans. But suddenly, while taking his eye off the road, Lightning gets mud splashed all over his front. Now the question: Where did the mud come from, especially since I observed (nerd) that the road they were travelling wasn't even muddy at all? Second, is that really mud, or is it some filthy discharge from Sally's behind? We will never know...

I have got to get a job...

Kachow!

Monday, June 5, 2006

George Lynch

I went to a guitar clinic at Yupangco in Buendia, and their guest was none other than Mr. George Lynch (who?) promoting his Yamaha L-Series. I'm not really familiar with stuff from Dokken and Lynch Mob, but I did get to see a guitar video by this guy. From what I remembered (although I could be very wrong here), he's got quite a dirty style, but unique nonetheless. And his nipple kept on popping from his loose tanktop. Blame the 80's.

It was my first time to attend such event, so I didn't really know what to expect. But I did imagine that there was gonna be a lot of guitar virtuosity shit and all that.

Before the actual event, a video played showing how a Yamaha acoustic guitar is made. Mixing the lutherier and guitar player standpoint, as well as advanced and traditional techniques of making the guitar, it was really fascinating...

Enter Mr. Lynch. First 3 impressions:

He's buff!.
He's wearing a tanktop.
He's gotten real old (d'oh)

His style has gotten bluesier and more melodic, and he's as good as any other great guitar player out there, so no problem there. Basically, he just played 30-minutes worth of great guitar lick, and although he candidly admitted that he was fucking up all over the played, he still seemed to enjoy himself. Which is the most important thing while playing.

Now comes the mandatory question and answer portion. Probably my most favorite answer I am gonna hear this week, or month for that matter:

"Stop clapping to my answers!"

Now the really interesting part: After the guitar clinic, the emcee announced that there was gonna be an autograph session with Mr. Lynch. But since I'm really an autograph kind of guy, I was intent on leaving the event. But before that, they were raffling off stubs for some goodies, so I kind of stayed just to try out my luck.

They called my name. I won a free poster.

As I returned to my seat, my mind went blank, still in disbelief of winning the poster. A friend told me that I should get the poster signed. Mind still blank. I grabbed for my bag while still sitting on my seat. Blank. Still sitting...

...

Wait! I shoud get the poster signed by Mr. Lynch!!!

And so I did. End of story, and I lived happily ever after, just after I got off the congested MRT ride.

A few side notes:

¤
A lot of known guitar players showed up to the event, namely the guy from Rivremaya, the guy from Death by Stereo, and the girl from Sanctus/Massacrida, among others.

¤
Mr. Lynch's nipple didn't pop out from his tanktop, which is quite a shame. That would have made the day better.

Sunday, June 4, 2006

you don't see mee

It has been a long time...

A Phought
to Tonder

Last Saturday, well, Sunday at 2:30 a.m., I was reading a book while lying down on the bed of my room and having the radio play random tracks on the airwaves when suddenly, '3 Libras' swoons the room with that undeniably mesmerizing sweet-ass guitar plucked intro. I immediate put down the book I was reading and started to be hit by this thing they call 'good music'. At that moment, while memories surged and feeling drowsed in my head as I stared blankly at the ceiling, 2 things pop into my mind: 1) NU 107 Remote Control Weekend is the best thing on the radio especially past midnight where they usually play songs during my high school daze, and 2) with that song, Mer de Noms has reaffirmed itself to be one of the better album I own, although I usually keep forgetting it.

Oh, I also remembered another thing; 3) write this as a blog entry.

I remember during high school, when I had my aunt buy A Perfect Cirlce's debut from the States, I kept on listening to it, not because it's deliciously dark and hauntingly romantic, but it's only one of the three CDs I owned that time (lame-o). Anyway, the most memorable thing I remembered with this album was that, every after class at 3:40 in the afternoon, I always walk down the cushy, rubber-y track and field path in the middle of the school where I go straight to the car that sends me home. The walk is nothing spectacular, just a long, lonely tread to the eventual destination (lewser), and the spectacle of a bunch of grade-schoolers jockeying and scuffling around on the green grasses inside the track and field oval is nothing to scream about. Instead, I entertained myself by singing the lines of the song 'The Hollow'.

"'Cause it's time to bring the fire down
(mumbles) this indiscretion
long enough to edify
and permanently fill this hollow"

Remembering that very moment made the ceiling less of a ceiling. The sun burning my skin and the heavy bag I was always carrying during high school and which also became the source of my back pains and scoliosis felt real, and really painful. That moment is nothing fancy in itself, but I don't know. I really liked that day...

...which leads me to another thought; 4) I really had a boooring high school. Seriously.

-

SM Mall of Asia
Where everything is big


FILIPINOS love malls, and it’s not only because they like to buy things for themselves. It’s because they love to hang out and enjoy the comfortable environment just as much.


The date May 20, 2006, will go down in history as proof that Filipinos cannot get enough of shopping malls with the colossal opening of SM Mall of Asia—SM’s grandest mall yet—at the tourist hotspot that is Manila Bay in Pasay City.

click here to the full article

Friday, May 26, 2006

hangover

hangover

hungover
hongober
hangover


Hangover Sucks

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

All the elements are eloquenced by eternity...

Phoughts to Tonder

E-LIMINATION, II-LIMATION!! E-LIMINATION, EEEEIIYY-LIMINATION!!!!!!I have been so blind all along! Instead of feasting and salivating over Bay Area Thrash scene, I should have listened to balls-to-the-walls Joisey Thrash (read: OVERKILL!) They're pretty much the most soild, consistent, and fairly prolific Metal band, and after listening to some not-so-heavy music as of late, this is a nice, swift Heavy Metal™ kick in the nads. Slayer sucks, Overkill p0wns j00!!!!


A Life Milestone


Who's your daddy, bitch?


I am one of the first people in the world who has taken a piss on SM Mall of Asia on May 20, 2006 , a day before its grand opening, at around 2 p.m. Respect me!

Day Late

I just remembered this morning that X-Men: The Last Stand is premiering today, and to my dismay, I cannot see it today because I'm too lazy to do so. I'll just settle for tomorrow.

Past Revisited

After months of not listening to this album, for reason unknown, I have decided to give it a spin. It turns out that
The Focusing Blur by Vintersorg is an underrated gem, a diamond in the rough, a hidden gold in an unexcavated, unadulterated mine, a...oh, what the hell...A damn fine piece of Cosmic Black Metal (wha..?)

"A microscopical macrocosm,
Of distant mountains and inner plasm,
All the elements are eloquenced by infinity
A microscopical macrocosm,
I and Me float through its chasms,
Filtering the universe through a living internity"

- A Microscopical Macrocosm

Something to really think about

Since 97.69% of my entries are pretty useless ramblings and a pathetic excuse for non-fiction writing, here's something to gnaw your teeth with.

WHAT'S WORSE THAN DOING NOTHING, IS DOING SOMETHING AND NOT DOING GOOD AT IT.

Now think about that, foo'!

Monday, May 22, 2006

lameness moves me

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Saturday, May 20, 2006

NBA's 23

In the NBA, Jersey number 23 simply means Michael Jordan. As simple as that. This indication is an apt tribute to one of basketball's finest players, if not the finest.

However, there are still a number of players wearing the number 23 on their jerseys. It is understandable that these players are paying homage to their basketball hero, but it is disappointing that a lot of players happen to have used this number in their careers.

One of the most glaring is Lebron James, who in fact seems to be destined to become the only player in NBA history who wears the same number as His Airness to reach the level of which Jordan competed and played, if not surpass it. Both are similar in a sense that they have a complete game, although James is taller and has a better physique. And at this stage, he may be the best 21 year old player who played the game, and better than Jordan was when he was 21, no question about that.

Which brings me to the problem about his jersey number. Lebron has the gift, talent, and character to be one of the most identifiable players in NBA history, granted that he keeps his game. But at the same time, he would also be known as the player who used Jordan's jersey number. I know, it's not really a big deal, but he is on his way to making a name for himself in basketball, and he could have used a different number rather than a number from a player that is respected and revered worldwide.

A suggestion to Lebron James, and to other Jordan worshippers out there who are even planning on thinking of donning 23 in their jerseys: wear a different number fer Christ's sake! Invent a new number: 79, 57, 46, 63, 09, whatever that's not yet done before. Don't be like Jordan because you're not! You're a different player than he is, maybe similar but ultimately not the same.

If you're still intent on using the Jordan Number, kudos to you. Just don't complain if everybody's using it too.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

THE DA VIIIIIIINCIIIIIIIIII CODE!!!!!!!!11


Finally! After months of waiting in vain for this day to say these words, I now can shout to the world that...

I HAVE RELIEVED MY DA VINCI CODE BONER!!

Honestly, it quite failed to deliver the goods, not because the book is better than the movie (which is true, but that's not the point), but I feel that the storytelling is too fast and quick (or maybe I'm just fucking slow). It does not let the viewers digest every piece of information as much as they could have, which made the book so good. Aside from this, it was entertaining as hell, I didn't go to sleep during the film (always a good thing), and I didn't feel like a jackass after seeing it.
Da Vinci Musings (with Spoilers, of course!):
  • Paul Bettany playing Silas is just pure genius. He easily passes off as an albino, and his menacing look works as well.
  • Sopie Neveu's character was dumbed down, which is a bummer, and gives too much way to Robert Langdon to assume the hero role. Bullllllshit. On a positive note, Sophie Neveu gives justice to Audrey Tautou, especially when Teabing meets her for the first time, kisses her on the hand, and says, "You have a lovely smile!", or something to that extent. Truth is soooo hard to deny.
  • Ian McKellen's role as the annoying Teabing is played with amazing ease and comfort, and his smug and condescending attitude was watered down for the film, which is for the better.

The movie, unfortunately, tweaked the part where both Langdon and Teabing explain the "biggest coverup in human history" to Sophie. In the book, both men team off to explain that Jesus' bloodline was carried on in the present time. In the movie, however, Langdon gets into an argument with Teabing, stating that these are all claims and presuppostions that have yet to be proven.

Another disappointing change is found in the ending of the film. The ending, in fact, made the book so spectacular because it reveals a person, possibly Mary Magdalene herself, after Langdon cracked the code of the last clue that would unveil the location of the Holy Grail. But the person's identity was not revealed, so it makes for compelling intrigue and speculation that provokes the thoughts of readers. In the movie, however, we get to see Langdon standing on top of the Louvre, kneels down, then the camera goes straight down under the Louvre, where the coffin of Mary Magdalene was shown. And that's it. LAAAAAAAAAME!!!!

Changes of these particluar scenes in the movie could be attributed to the negative opinion surrounding the book's claims. Still, whether the content is preposterous or not, the film should not have compromised to social opinion, and should have carried on with what was written in the book.

Finally, some notes parts of the film worthy of mention:

  • The part when Silas smahes the face of the nun with a stone tablet was a hoot! I DIDN'T see that one coming!
  • Expect some people to sneer and belt out incredulous and nervous laughters during the part where both Langdon at Teabing explain the Holy Grail to Sophie.

Monday, May 15, 2006

musicmusiclalalamusic

Thoughts to Ponder


I have seen VH1's Behind the Music of Pantera through YouTube, and although the whole thing was sufficent to satiate the average person's curiosity for the band, it doesn't really say anything new from what has already been said ad nauseum. As always, their glam years prior to their "major label debut" Cowboys From Hell were omitted, whether intentionally or not, which makes this documentary anything but a definitive statement of the band's legacy.

However, the segment where Terry Abbott shed tears over the murder of his son/Pantera axeman Darrell "Dimebag Darrell" Abbott during his performance on December 4, 2004 with his current band Damageplan, along with his brother/Pantera drummer Vinnie, was nothing less than touching. "Inside that rock n' roll exterior, was a boy." Bummer.

  • Let me take a moment to bask into the beauty of song:

Cody ChestnuTT

"Serve This Royalty"

off the album The Headphone Masterpiece (2002)

...unfortunately, I cannot find the lyrics. Lame.

Secret heart

What are you made of?

What are you so afraid of?

Could it be three simple words

Or the fear of being overheard?

What's wrong?

Let her in on your secret, heart

Besides the fact that I love unrequited and/or confessional love songs made for perennial losers, I also love Nick Cave. I really do. But not so much with The Proposition, where he wrote the script for the movie. The soundtrack, however, is killer.

---

On a more personal note, I am hooked on playing solitaire on the PC.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

all i want...is to be where you are


The Gathering

How to Measure a Planet? (1998)

This album is The Gathering’s Rust in Peace, or Seventh Son of a Seventh Son, for that matter. If I were to stretch it, it will closely resemble Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness by The Smashing Pumpkins, aside from both being double-disc affairs. These albums share a similarity, where the bands charted new musical territories and progressive ideas into their trademark sound. As a result, Megadeth got more technical, Iron Maiden got more theatrical, and Smashing Pumpkins got more famous.

How to Measure a Planet? is a tour-de-force. It is the album where The Gathering finds their visions fulfilled, where they sounded like the way they should sound. They did away with the Metal and Gothic posing they fostered with their previous albums in order to create music without boundaries. They have basically toned down the guitars, and focused more on the dreamy atmosphere and the beautiful vocals. Anneke van Giersbergen has proven time and again that she is the BEST FEMALE VOCALIST EVER (quote me on that). With this album, she even solidifies that claim because her emotive voice fits better with this kind of music, where she can just focus on channeling emotions through her singing without having to coincide with the distorted guitars.

The album deals with distance, where the songs talk about yearning for someone (Rescue Me), the feeling of witnessing the vastness of an endless horizon (‘Great Ocean Road’), or the exhilaration of flight (‘Liberty Bell’) . Even the sound sympathizes with the theme of the album, embellished with the verdant and vivid instrumentations the band is known for.‘Great Ocean Road’ is easily one of the best songs ever recorded in music history, if one THE BEST (quote me on that again). The main riff just washes the listener away into the unknown deep, where dreams are forged real by just having the sound take you to your destiny. The powerful tapestry of sound becomes realized with the affective singing of Anneke. This song is just powerful, amazing, superb, and wonderful.

‘Rescue Me’ contains one of the best lines of a love song ever, “All I want/ is to be where you are”. The yearning music and the wall of sound in the middle create a feeling of desire in a lost world. The production with the song could have been lusher, but a good song is a good song. ‘My Electricity’ is another winner, a lovelorn, sentimental song with a simple arrangement, yet it is carried by the spacious and jangling guitars. ‘Liberty Bell’ is an upbeat, feel-good pop song if I didn’t know better. The song creates a feeling of flying with the uplifting, soaring music blasting through the speakers. ‘Travel’ feels like a dream sequence, a collection of riffs of previous songs serving as a culmination of the first disc. ‘Locked Away’ is similar to ‘My Electricity, only this time, the guitar blasts in during the chorus.

The only small gripe I have which prevents the album from getting a perfect score is the second CD could have been done away with. In fairness, the second half deals with the band’s proclivity to writing more daring music, as heard with the title track, and it ain’t bad at all, but at this point, hearing that the first half is just perfect, the second half is too indulgent for its own good.

I cannot recommend this album any further. One of the best albums ever from any genre! Buy this, and be swept off to your dreams! Hail The Gathering!

Instant Entry in 20 Minutes

What are the things running through my head while downloading a 3.4 MB song off Limewire with a dial-up conneciton?


Ready...Go!

3% - The Los Angeles Clippers lost to the Phoenix Suns. Gademit. Obviously, I am rooting for the underdog, well, they're not really the underdogs of the series since Phoenix has been playing without Amare Stoudemire for the whole season and the playoffs, yet still managed to play superb basketball and grabbed the 2nd seed in the West, a feat nobody would have ever thought possible. However, great expectations weren't on the side of the Clippers as well, a franchise doomed to fail at the start of the season. Well, they're turned it around for the good, getting that 4th seed, which again not what everybody would have expected.

Still, I still feel that the Clippers deserve to win the series because not only do they have the talent to advance to the next round, but because they're the Clippers, and sometimes in life, some people just need to be given a chance.

37% - Jeff Buckley is the best artist of the past decade. His album Grace has ultimately propelled him to great heights, with songs like the explosive yet brooding 'Mojo Pin', the tender and impassioned 'So Real', the anthemic and amazing 'Eternal Life', and the timeless masterpiece that is 'The Last Goodbye'.

54% - I don't like cars.

57% - She may be the hottest contestant ever in American Idol, but Katherine McPhee yet has to go. Although she showed flashes of brilliance early on, she has cracked under pressure as the contest draws closer to its end. She has been shaky and pitchy on some of her songs, and that's just unacceptable. However, I still feel that she will advance to the finals because of the fact that she is the only woman in the competition and she will most likely garner the votes of the female contingent in America.

And I am worried that Elliott Yamin will be the one going out from American Idol. Fact is, he is the best singer that the show has to offer, but unlike McPhee and Soul Patrol (whose name I obviously forgot), he doesn't look good, and he doesn't exude any charisma at all. Sad.

100% - I really feel that all of the things I have written on this post is pure crap.

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