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Saturday, August 4, 2007

Phooey

The last day of July has finally come and passed, and yet I still feel apathetic in writing something to commemorate my 12-month employment with my current job, the purchase of an Ibanez guitar (JEM-JR) that was long overdue, and my 23rd birthday. In fact I’m actually forcing myself to write something, anything, to add something in my personal ingenuity. Well, as of late, I've been running low with it.

However, after listening to Slowdive with a couple of friends while drinking brandy during my mother’s birthday a while ago, it reminded me how I was once looking for a full-time job after an unsuccessful stint as a contributor for the Manila Times while drifting with that particular band's music. I remembered how I was handing my resumes to different companies, some of which were not even looking for applicants at that time, while expressing success through long sleeves and well-trimmed slacks.

In fact, I miss the feeling of applying to different companies and enjoying the luxury of their seats inside their cool and comfortable offices after taking a long walk looking for its address under the rain. It was fun because everything will have to change from hereon. This means no more academics for me, at least, not for the meantime.

Aside from this, I remembered how lowly I thought of myself. After graduation, I felt having squandered my college life mulling over which career path to take. As much as Philosophy has been of great help in my growth as a person, the course left me feeling, as the previous title of my blog suggests, inadequate.

This particular feeling subsided after the couple of weeks going in my first full-time gig. After developing rapport with my co-workers and getting acquainted with leading a professional career, I have not looked back ever. This was all before July of this year.

Despite the great things that happened this past year, July ultimately reminded me of the things I didn’t like in life just by being with people. I’m not a misanthrope, at least not anymore, but I can’t add anything regarding this matter that would make it less complicating. I may be experiencing one of those months in which I am ultimately bound to feel like shit in everythingI do, and has Sartre’s immortal line “Hell is other people” as my motto for the time being. “Lagi na lang walang gana,” as my co-workers would aptly put it.

I assume that this feeling isn’t going to last forever, as with my previous encounters with downer months, but still, a stable job, a spankin’ new guitar, and a number added to my age do not change me one bit. I’m still the same wilting wallflower adorned on the deepest corners of the room, trying in vain to be unnoticed. In other words, there’s still a lot to be done.

So much for commemoration. Time to live.

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