Monday, September 8, 2008

On Haggardness

Ever felt like you're at the edge of a cliff and people are prodding you to jump and fuck off? Well, I haven't. Thank God for that.

Not to sound like Michelle McCool, but I'm loving life (gay), which is why I try to cram all of the productive things I can muster in my waking hours. For instance, I started taking up MA studies this year, and I'm probably chained with studying for three hours at the very most. Also, in order to finance my studies and pay the bills, I opted to work full-time as a writer in Makati. To top it all off, in hopes of saving up money for the future, I took up another part-time work. In writing, all of these things should forge a fulfilling life and a promising "future" for me.

As for the present, however, I'm barely getting the work done. If I were Dexter Morgan, I would have been leaving off blood trails of my victims on the street and dropping scalpels and knives on the crime scene. In other words, my work has been quite a mess.

Case in point: I'm actually running out of cash. Yes, you heard me. Despite my vain efforts of coming up with a scheme of saving money and spending the least amount on a regular basis, the continuously hiking gas prices and the domestic bills manage to suck my funds dry. My conundrum led me to take a part-time job, but it didn't necessarily make my life better. Instead of taking it easy at home after arriving from work, I still have to sit in front of the computer and type the night away before going to sleep. Plus, a stack of required literary materials for school that I dismissed from reading are staring at me in my room during sleep because my mind's tired of the hustle. Thankfully, they don't give me eloquent and artistic nightmares.

Don't get me wrong; I love the challenge (gay). If there's anything that should inspire men to perform at their best, then it should be the times when their backs are against the wall.

So is my back against the wall? Nope, but behind me is a path down the rocky shores. Should I jump down or should I burst through the fucking crowd? Actually, I don't even know what that means. Stupid figurative speech.


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