Sunday, November 16, 2008

On Degeneration

It's one of those times in a day where I don't have anything to do, and instead of reading a good book or watching a good movie, I browsed through some of the old entries I've written for the past two years. You see, the blog was meant to be an outlet to medicate the bad taste left by my final years in college, as well as being part of the unemployment line. True, those days were bawful (bad+awful), but they helped me produce some of the most inspired shit I have written throughout the years, save for the tons of adult video descriptions I did way back in the time (like, a couple of months ago).

Not to be sentimental, but damnit, there's something magical when reading even the most lamest of entries of what happened when you were down and out while listening to Slowdive in Hong Kong, or was having a blast playing with Koreans in Zambales, just before I pulled out my CD player and listened to Slowdive again. Ah, the CD player. Anybody remember that?

Seriously though, I was lame back then. And I loved every minute of it. Another thing: I liked how I was able to capture the bravura of being there at that moment, absorbing the positive vibe as it careens me to different sensations of the emotional spectrum. There was life in the words I wrote that, by reading them slowly like a retarded chimp, made me say, "Holy shit, that day was awesome," or , "That day sucked so much ass, it's awesome!"

Now, reading the entries I have left scattered in my blog like expired pancit bihon, I don't get everything from them. Sure, the emotions are there (anger, idleness, bordering on happy, happy but not quite), but I can't connect with 'em. All I see are a bunch of words piled up trying to say something and I can't seem to make out anything! Maybe I've regressed into a meandering, miserable dick who's a corporate slave, takes up his MA when there's time, and then...I don't know anymore. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy like a slut who's had a buck worth of fuck, but...huh. I lost myself.

Shit. I really didn't know where to go with this. I was supposed to allude to my degeneration as a person who was deflowered and made numb by the corporate hell that I work for, but now that I've reached where I am, that's not gonna happen now. Oh well, it's never really good when I don't have anything to do.


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