Damned In Blue

And so it came, every parent's worst nightmare: their daughters getting married. There's really nothing more sobering than having your daughters - in this case, two - leaving the 'rent's nest and flying into the arms of their male counterparts whom they will live with and love forever. Of course, I wouldn't be too sure on the 'nightmare' thing. However, judging from my dad's eyes as he was walking up my sister to the isle this past weekend, I can clearly feel the bittersweetness of the whole ceremony that was somehow released from that sheer image I just witnessed. Wait, scratch 'nightmare'. I think 'bittersweet' is a much appropriate word for this matter. Before we begin, I simply must start off this entry by telling you what happened after the wedding, which was almost a disaster for one reason: I hosted the damn thing. As requested by my to-be-wed dear sister and since I did not have anything to contribute during the preparation of the...

I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. Ah hate it.

Looking back at the time when I posted about how it's only a matter a time before I sign on the dotted line bullshit , I would have been wise to not have mentioned that in the first place. Fuckballs. I may have jinxed my own destiny. So this is how the year starts: a bang so silent and so minute that nobody heard or saw it. Now it begins, the ballad of big nothing. I should be disappointed. I should be pissed off because I hyped myself to the opportunity that never was. Instead of moving towards an angelic tomorrow, my present is stuck with the old bones in purgatory that should have decalcified when 2010 called it a year, the very same bones that I've been keeping inside my closet for far too long. However, violent feelings have instead triggered and been displaced by this maniacal obsession to succeed, to mold flesh into the skeletons and bring them to life, to draw blood from stone, to turn water into wine, to rush blood to the crotch area and turn a limp penis into a mighty...

They'll be coming here soon, so I might as well write something about them. They deserve it. Wasn't a big fan even before, but in 2005, I had both their first albums, "Blueprints for the Black Market" and "Never Take Friendships Personal" on loop during the latter part of 2005 and it's because of this song . And this . And this . And this . This one , too. You know the myth that music can help you during difficult times in life? Well, there's definitely therapeutic value to strip-to-the-bone songwriting and catchy-as-hell melodies, after which the lyrics slowly take shape. Next thing you know, you're singing the songs while taking a bath, mindlessly walking at school, driving back home, and going to sleep. Whenever you're having some sort of episode in your life, you begin remembering things that'll make you happy and temporarily forget the sadness that shrouds you like a dark cloud. And then you instantly remember songs that you like and...

Up to this day, it still baffles me that I, a mediocre student with an unremarkable GPA and a highly forgettable experience in the academe, find myself pursuing higher education and rubbing shoulders with some of the brightest minds at arguably the most prestigious school in the nation (clue: not at THE Ateneo). Now, I am not the kind who boasts his accomplishments in people's faces. Actually the opposite, in fact. I really don't belong in a learning environment, let alone a space where people passionately talk about theories, key figures, and all that hullabaloo that seems to be the rage among graduate students. Every after class, I leave the room shamefaced after having been verbally plowed by my instructors every once in a while when I sleep during class or stumble with my words and idea during reports. They have great reason, you see. So, as Thom Yorke would ask, "what the hell am I doing here?" Good question, but as anticlimactic my educational life has been, I c...

After more than a year, I have returned to Abra, the hometown where my mother was brought up, to become the candle bearer for my female cousin's wedding. Coincidentally, my last visit also had to do something with me participating in a wedding - I was best man for my male cousin, who was the younger brother of my aforementioned female cousin. Unlike before, our visits to Abra have been frequent - at least twice every year, one during the Holy Week and the other during the Christmas holidays. However, due to the recent shakeups in our family, with my eldest sister giving birth in the middle of last year and our middle sister who is set to get married at the end of the month, I could expect the infrequency to become the new norm. Which is a damn shame, since Abra is the only place where I simply transform from my life working and wasting time in front of the computer to a more simpler yet equally enjoyable life, offering a nice break from the hump and grind of daily life in the metro...

Due to the delicate nature of the activities going on with my life, I would simply say that 2011 is starting out on a high, despite all the flux of various problems and issues going on in my life. Although nothing's final yet, it is only a matter of time before I sign on the dotted line and move on to eliminating the distractions in the process. I really need this what they call a "better life." Not really for my sake, because I'm pretty solid the way I am. Come to think of it, if I were put into a different situation than the one I'm in right now, I wouldn't change anything with what I was doing before and still be a happy camper. I'd be relaxing on the couch right now, watching some obscure movies I've downloaded from torrent, running through some scales with my guitar, and probably have a beer or two with a couple of friends to round out the day. Boring and sad as it is, but that was my life before. But all those things have to be put on hold. Fun a...