Damned In Blue

Finish edits on Grade 3 Worksheets I made last year. E-mail my English professor and ask for a chance to finish and submit my incomplete final paper a year ago about Umberto Eco's "Baudolino" before the current semester ends. Drop a subject that I have no intention of retaking. Submit request to the Dean to take my foreign language exam in German, hopefully the second semester of next year's school year. (Re)Learn German. Actually learn the history of Anglo American Literature. Read the required books I failed to read from previous years in school (Wild Sargasso Sea, The Age of Innocence, The Sound and the Fury, My Antonia, Surfacing, and other shit). Buy a new QWERTY smartphone (hello, Samsung Galaxy Y Pro or LG Optimus Pro). Buy Zoom G2.1(u), Behringer Compressor/Sustainer, and a Squire Stratocaster. Buy an MP3 player (either an iPod or something from Sony). Go to Baler and try out my luck in surfing. Get that goddamned album released. Learn how to cleanly sweep, ta

- Read " Who Moved My Cheese? " by Spencer Johnson . Using a simple narrative about rats and cheese, the book talks about keeping a close eye on the possible changes that may take place. It's best to prepare for the worst in life to move on and enjoy success once again. After reading the book, I felt the proverbial nail hammered in my thick skull. This year for me has been about change and I need to adjust much quicker to the ebb and flow of time. Since applying much of the concepts presented in the book, I think my life has gotten much more organized. 2011 can be salvaged, after all. Click here to purchase "Who Moved My Cheese?" - I've been in the fix of making a quick buck recently. Looking at the available ways, most of the ones I saw involve direct sales, which is potentially a big problem to me. Normally, talking to people and encouraging them to buy a product they don't need is not my cup of tea. But age and experience made me change my perspectiv

Rene O. Villanueva, God bless his soul, is far from being one of my favorite teachers in college, but he is one of the most memorable. He was, for the lack of a better word, a highly interesting character who has little respect for public opinion, especially of our college block. He hated our class because he thought we were some of the dumbest Philosophy students he has ever met, although my money's on the fact that our class was held at 7:30 in the morning, which contributed much to his dour mood. I have personally been on the receiving end of his barbs during a graded discussion when we were asked to read a children's book in front of the class - something that I did sloppily while chewing on a bubblegum throughout the duration of the presentation, I may add. My stupid ass deserved the earful, and it has made a fun anecdote to our class, even nine years past. Another favorite Villanueva moment of mine was when he correlated the trend of wearing baggy pants to the elephantine

2011 was supposed to be a turning-in-a-new-leaf phase for me. Somehow, I'm still stuck in the gutter. It all started with my plan to post at least two blog entries a week at the beginning of the year. The idea is to not only track down the things that are happening in my life, but also help improve my writing, which has taken a hit after years of not writing for the Tumbong. I also tried my hand, for the nth time, on setting a weekly schedule for me to follow. I wrote the things I had to do for the week on a spiral notebook and crossed them out if I'm done with them. Throughout the first few months of the year, I think I could change my old ways - unkempt, purposeless, uninspired and simply doggone tired of disappointment. I actually woke up every morning with a sense of urgency that was lacking in the previous years. My work rate improved, relationships were at an all-time high, and I was actually reading books in preparation for the next discussion at school. For the first ti

For the past five years, I have had the privilege to fulfill a childhood dream of becoming a lead/rhythm guitarist for a heavy metal band. It all started at an unfortunate band practice in 2005, as my guitarist friend and I were looking to form a group covering Iron Maiden and Sepultura classics. The band came full circle when one of the drummers we've jammed with years before brought along his friend who was the vocalist of their previous band. We all gathered and talked about jamming some of their songs until eventually, we shifted from their sludge metal sound to a more thrash, speed metal direction. It was at this point that everything fell into place. We composed a couple of songs (basically aping the twin-guitar melodies and tremolo picking that mid '90s Swedish metal was heralding) and practiced them for a month before getting booked to nearby gigs here and there to fill out the slots. The first gig we played was at Purple Haze, Marikina and we performed at 3:30am in the

Enough with the dreariness for now and let me talk about something not depressing and esoteric for once. As I have written a couple of weeks back, I celebrated a milestone when I shifted jobs, from a glorified link monkey to an actual writer/editor. I have nothing bad to say regarding my previous work, as I learned a lot about SEO during my time with the company. However, after a year with the company, I got stuck doing the same thing over and over. My professional and personal growth stopped, so I have to transfer from this sinking ship before I become consumed by the sea of mediocrity. Maybe I'm just not up to snuff with organic link building or SEO in general, although my interest with said industry remains at a high. But I do feel better when I write. There's something peaceful and beautiful in the solitude of writing. It makes me feel in control of everything. My words don't tell me what I did wrong or the mistakes I've made (unless my boss says so). I create my ow

I miss the quirkiness. Everything's just one big mass of reality.

March sucked ass. A month that was supposed to be highlighted by my latest job transfer that would trigger a pleasant turn of events was overshadowed by my incompetence on other aspects of my life. Maybe it's the fact that I find myself once again adapting to an office-based work schedule that prevents me from spreading out work throughout the course of the day like my previous home-based job but I'm at wit's end and experiencing some kind of mental block that prevented me from finishing my paper on time. I feel embarrassed. I held the teacher who I was supposed to submit my paper to early this week in high regard, only to come up short and probably disrespect her in the process. I still have a chance to redeem myself and submit the paper within the week, but working through my disgust and contempt towards myself would probably delay the process even further. May God save me and my bastard ways. Restless - a word that I keep playing out with my body a couple of days already

I don't have basketball fever, not until the NBA Playoffs kick in (Go Magic!), but March is the time of the year when the buck has to stop, everything must go, I have to place my foot down, and every terrible clichés found in the Book of Terrible Clichés. Just as the NCAA Basketball is sure to provide television viewers with sad endings, great upsets, and awesome finishes, March is when I have to rush and submit final papers in school along with my obsessive compulsiveness to work, my stress level is at an all-time high, and, for some strange reason, lots of personal shit gets unfurled under the blanket. Might not make for great television, but the drama and tension-filled days leading up to the deadlines of my respective papers will surely provide action-packed moments until the final buzzer. I'm not the most level-headed person in the planet, but I do try my darnedest to keep my insanity in check. However, with emotions running high this time of the year, as well as the fores

Image from www.nydailynews.com The whole world picked up the news regarding the earthquake and tsunami disasters in Japan this past week. Even I, who was isolated behind the four mighty walls of the academe from reality while sipping coffee and reading Umberto Eco, caught up with the information via text message from girlfriend. Then, during class, after talking about the requirements to be submitted before the end of the month, we cannot help but mull over the horrifying details of the incident: an 8.9 earthquake magnitude, followed by a tsunami waved that reached as high as 24 feet, and around 60 confirmed deaths, with 200 people missing (at that time). Once the class commenced and knowing that there's still time to kill before the color coding ban is lifted, I immediately visited a computer shop in the campus to read more on the Internet about the earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan. Better yet, I viewed the screaming video reports from news sites that cover the events as t

I feel guilty for not being able to update my blog as I would have wanted to. However, it was necessity that prevented me from making my usual 2-posts-a-week updates of what's down with me. Being stricken by sickness, in addition to the piling tasks of my academic studies, and a healthy dose of laziness that unfortunately kicked in during these past few weeks have stunted my fabulously prolific - albeit subpar, content-wise - blogging. With regard to being sick, it was only a matter of time before my body caught up me. Apparently, charging through life at breakneck speed with a can-do-everything candor and the delusion that I have tiger's blood has left me bedridden for days. It's a tough pill to swallow, having your plans derailed by a measly flu and compromising you from your commitments. With that said, I took a different approach with how I work things out in order to prevent from contracting the shivers. So far, taking it easy on my work while appearing to focus on my

Before I begin my posts that's basically a carbon copy of my previous, self-defecating, and ingratiating rants, I'd like to begin to talk about how awesome Black Swan was. I saw the film a couple of weeks ago with girlfriend and was just waiting an opportune time to review it in this blog. Holy hell, did this movie deliver! Darren Aronofsky comes up with some of the most arresting stuff seen in cinema, both stylistically and essentially, and he was able to conjure beautifully haunting moments that leave you breathless. I, for one, am not too sure of the Kafkaesque elements that were plastered throughout the course of the film, but I generally dug the whole psychological violence that laid the blueprint for the stunning finish, or at least that's the impression I got from watching the film. What separates Mr. Aronofsky to others in terms of craft is not only the dedication to detail and strength of storytelling from beginning to end, but it is only how he leaves the door o

It always happens to me, immersing myself to a lot of things, fending off sleep just to get things done from my to-do list, only to find myself waking up at noon the next day like an aftermath of a drink or two gone wrong, while my nephew lingers on from her cribby throne (or throne-y crib, whatever fancies your fanny). What makes this situation worse is struggling to recall the specifics of what took place these past few days. I vaguely remember the structure of my cold, calculated daze, but the warmth of it escapes me. Such is the bane of trying to go ubermensch on everything and everyday, starting at the beginning of the year. With so much in your mind, you start to forget things, get distracted by short-term goals, experience physical and mental difficulties, and such. Interestingly enough, it is exactly what I signed up for, so for me to whine and bitch about my predicament is like complaining why the earth is round. Unlike the mythology of the primordial Titan named Atlas, I was

1. Star City has no company website For shame, Star City marketers. For shame! Online presence has become much more valuable than ever, since more and more people are logging in to search for various information and services. I have never been to Star City before, which is why girlfriend and I planned to go there to do something different. Since we don't know squat about the amusement park, instinct told me to access the Internet and run a search on Star City to see whether it was open on that particular day or not (it was, from four in the afternoon to midnight), how much is the entrance fee, and so on. After minutes of deep searching, it turned out that dozens of info-sites, good and bad, have littered the online scene in hopes of filling the virtual crater left by the no-longer- existing company website. Too bad, since there are lots of online marketing possibilities that Star City could indulge themselves in with the existence of a company website. Four words, Star City marketi

I have been in a literary bind lately, having read novels both borne out of responsibility for class discussions and sheer interest. I was a fair reader years ago but, as expected, professional life almost seemed to have killed every ounce of passion that I have for the arts. Therefore, it was a breath of fresh air that I am able to restore the remnants of my fragmented appreciation for fiction, although I had to be forced to such daunting task. You have to at least give credit to required readings in school. "The Stranger" by Camus, however, was not part of our reading list. My recollections with Camus can be traced back to my senior year in college when I was simply blown away by "The Plague," his crowning achievement, in my feeble opinion. What a monster of a book. It's like "The Stand" by Stephen King, only much, much better (Sorry, King fans). The uncompromising bleakness and deadness of the novel was also able to capture the purposelessness I was

...of some sort. In the middle of 2008, I decided to shut down Damned in Blue and created in its place this blog site that you are currently enduring to read in agony. Writing on the Tumbong is a turning-a-new-leaf moment for me, as the Damned carried a lot of baggage that I was able to unpack and shelved in their proper drawers from my past, so there was no reason to write on a blog that dwelt on memories already set in stone. Thus, from the ashes of the great deep emerged this shiny new asshole of a blog. Now, if you could only visualize the image of a huge, clenched asshole rising like a glorious phoenix, emblazoned with hope and redemption, or in this case, shit and giggles. However, before I nailed the final coffin on the Damned during that time, I downloaded all the blog posts via the "Export Posts" option on the backend of the blog. The truth is, I can't erase them. It's like deleting the contact of your best friend, whom you've shared awesome things with

Goddamnit. I have officially returned to my former weight when I was still a fat high school kid. All the hard work and determination of slimming down and shedding unnecessary fat in order to have reached the weight that I have successfully maintained for the past decade were all for naught. Granted, I'm not really fat in appearance, but those who have seen me for at least two year would definitely notice the heavy difference - nobody can hide 15 pounds of gained weight out the ass. Pumping irons may have saved me from a flabby reality, but still, gaining 15 pounds in two years is amazing for all the wrong reasons. Goddamnit. I blame the seat. I blame the personal computer. I blame the addiction of sorting through all that wonderful shit everybody finds on the Internet. Sigh. I know, I know. There's nobody to blame but myself. Had I been much more proactive physically, had I consume less cheeseburger in one sitting, blah blah. But let's face it, it's much more convenien

And so it came, every parent's worst nightmare: their daughters getting married. There's really nothing more sobering than having your daughters - in this case, two - leaving the 'rent's nest and flying into the arms of their male counterparts whom they will live with and love forever. Of course, I wouldn't be too sure on the 'nightmare' thing. However, judging from my dad's eyes as he was walking up my sister to the isle this past weekend, I can clearly feel the bittersweetness of the whole ceremony that was somehow released from that sheer image I just witnessed. Wait, scratch 'nightmare'. I think 'bittersweet' is a much appropriate word for this matter. Before we begin, I simply must start off this entry by telling you what happened after the wedding, which was almost a disaster for one reason: I hosted the damn thing. As requested by my to-be-wed dear sister and since I did not have anything to contribute during the preparation of the

I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. I hate school. Ah hate it.

Looking back at the time when I posted about how it's only a matter a time before I sign on the dotted line bullshit , I would have been wise to not have mentioned that in the first place. Fuckballs. I may have jinxed my own destiny. So this is how the year starts: a bang so silent and so minute that nobody heard or saw it. Now it begins, the ballad of big nothing. I should be disappointed. I should be pissed off because I hyped myself to the opportunity that never was. Instead of moving towards an angelic tomorrow, my present is stuck with the old bones in purgatory that should have decalcified when 2010 called it a year, the very same bones that I've been keeping inside my closet for far too long. However, violent feelings have instead triggered and been displaced by this maniacal obsession to succeed, to mold flesh into the skeletons and bring them to life, to draw blood from stone, to turn water into wine, to rush blood to the crotch area and turn a limp penis into a mighty

They'll be coming here soon, so I might as well write something about them. They deserve it. Wasn't a big fan even before, but in 2005, I had both their first albums, "Blueprints for the Black Market" and "Never Take Friendships Personal" on loop during the latter part of 2005 and it's because of this song . And this . And this . And this . This one , too. You know the myth that music can help you during difficult times in life? Well, there's definitely therapeutic value to strip-to-the-bone songwriting and catchy-as-hell melodies, after which the lyrics slowly take shape. Next thing you know, you're singing the songs while taking a bath, mindlessly walking at school, driving back home, and going to sleep. Whenever you're having some sort of episode in your life, you begin remembering things that'll make you happy and temporarily forget the sadness that shrouds you like a dark cloud. And then you instantly remember songs that you like and

Up to this day, it still baffles me that I, a mediocre student with an unremarkable GPA and a highly forgettable experience in the academe, find myself pursuing higher education and rubbing shoulders with some of the brightest minds at arguably the most prestigious school in the nation (clue: not at THE Ateneo). Now, I am not the kind who boasts his accomplishments in people's faces. Actually the opposite, in fact. I really don't belong in a learning environment, let alone a space where people passionately talk about theories, key figures, and all that hullabaloo that seems to be the rage among graduate students. Every after class, I leave the room shamefaced after having been verbally plowed by my instructors every once in a while when I sleep during class or stumble with my words and idea during reports. They have great reason, you see. So, as Thom Yorke would ask, "what the hell am I doing here?" Good question, but as anticlimactic my educational life has been, I c

After more than a year, I have returned to Abra, the hometown where my mother was brought up, to become the candle bearer for my female cousin's wedding. Coincidentally, my last visit also had to do something with me participating in a wedding - I was best man for my male cousin, who was the younger brother of my aforementioned female cousin. Unlike before, our visits to Abra have been frequent - at least twice every year, one during the Holy Week and the other during the Christmas holidays. However, due to the recent shakeups in our family, with my eldest sister giving birth in the middle of last year and our middle sister who is set to get married at the end of the month, I could expect the infrequency to become the new norm. Which is a damn shame, since Abra is the only place where I simply transform from my life working and wasting time in front of the computer to a more simpler yet equally enjoyable life, offering a nice break from the hump and grind of daily life in the metro

Due to the delicate nature of the activities going on with my life, I would simply say that 2011 is starting out on a high, despite all the flux of various problems and issues going on in my life. Although nothing's final yet, it is only a matter of time before I sign on the dotted line and move on to eliminating the distractions in the process. I really need this what they call a "better life." Not really for my sake, because I'm pretty solid the way I am. Come to think of it, if I were put into a different situation than the one I'm in right now, I wouldn't change anything with what I was doing before and still be a happy camper. I'd be relaxing on the couch right now, watching some obscure movies I've downloaded from torrent, running through some scales with my guitar, and probably have a beer or two with a couple of friends to round out the day. Boring and sad as it is, but that was my life before. But all those things have to be put on hold. Fun a